apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
