For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
