Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
