guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
