Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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