What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
