omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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