it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
