Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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