Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
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