thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
