i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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