my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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