Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
