I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
