WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i out mim tonsoeep
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
