$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
