In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
