So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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