3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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