It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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