Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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