so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
