3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
