So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
