girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I stole a fireplace last night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
