hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
