just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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