He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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