I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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