I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
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