Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize