Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
