RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She's the barista slut.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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