All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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