i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
