I wannas sexs uuuuu
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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