this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
