Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
