His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
