I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
