You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
home. puking in laundry basket.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Randomize
