Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize