they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize