Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
