hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
