So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize