Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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