According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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