no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
