I could have mohawked her pubes.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
