But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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