Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
