Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
