I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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