I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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