Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
