my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i think i just lost a toe
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
