I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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