you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
