and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
