yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
