Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
