I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
