i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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