i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
