My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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