dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So vagazzling was a success
that is very illegal...i love you.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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