dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We talked him into tasing himself.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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