Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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