Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
