I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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