How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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