So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
No more Irish car bombs ever.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
