I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
