Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
