bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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