Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
