just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
