Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I want to fling myself into the sun
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